Monday, August 17, 2020

The Power of Acceptance of Reality

So many people appear to overlook the power of acceptance. It is not a passive thing, but an active action. Please let me explain it a little today. 

One of the important acceptances is of your emotional experience. I have written about it before, and I will do it again and again in future, too; your emotional experience needs to be accepted no matter what emotions you are experiencing (*except for “mislabeled guilt”). You have no choice but to do it in order to avoid emotional, behavioral, and/or relational problems later on. It feels counter-intuitive, but it is in fact the case. Accepting your emotional experience is closely related to accepting yourself; therefore, if it is denied, you are denied. 

Another important kind of acceptance is today’s topic: Acceptance of reality. It may sound strange, but many people refuse to accept reality. I understand that reality often hurts (very much) and we don’t want things to be the way they are. However, while you keep denying reality, your life won’t get better and become fulfilling unfortunately. 

The reality I am talking about here are things such “My mother has never been mother-material who can love me unconditionally,” “My boyfriend would never love me in the way I hoped he would,” “I cannot look like the cover model of magazines,” “Covid-19 may kill us,” “I am actually an adict, ”and so on. Can you see it? They are unfortunate realities that people want to dismiss.  

Because of our own desire, we prefer to cling to our “fantasy” rather than face reality. Yes, I understand that reality bites and that you are afraid that you may end up becoming hopeless and powerless if you accept it. However, this is the big misconception. 

When you decide to accept reality, which is a brave action, it may hurt at first, but then you can eventually find some way to live with it. It may be counter-intuitive, but when you finally face and accept reality, you accept your lack of control and powerlessness, which you had been afraid of. But then, something very important can happen to you. You can now see the realm of your control, and you can focus on and maximize it in order to improve your quality of life. 

In other words, when you are in denial of reality, you just feel frustrated and keep making a hopeless effort to fail and repeat it. When we accept reality, you can see what you can do and what you cannot do, and you can pay attention to what you can do, in order to make the situation better within the limitation (reality). This is how you want to live your own life, because it will give you more power and joy! 

Acceptance is not to give up. Please remember it. 

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