Be More Self-Centered - Part III

We have discussed the importance of being self-centered. I hope you are now feeling like trying it more. But then you may wonder HOW CAN I? If you are so used not to thinking of your own needs over others’, you may have difficulty realizing your own voice. It’s quite common. So let me give you some tips.


The most helpful strategy is to have another you in your mind when thinking of others’ needs. For example, let’s talk about Michael. When Michael hangs out with his two friends, he tends to think of their needs first, while ignoring or not even noticing his own. What Michael can do here is that he can create “Mike” in his mind and wonder what “Mike” would appreciate the most first. So, when his two friends wanted to go another bar, but “Mike” felt tired and wanted to rest, Michael pays attention to “Mike’s wish” first, and just said, “Sorry guys, I am tired and I will go home tonight,” instead of “sure, let’s go.”


Having another you in your mind and respecting him/her first really helps for many people, because they can see their desires more clearly. Until you get used to accessing your own feelings and needs, this strategy helps you realize yourself more. It may sound too simple, but it really works. Give it a shot, if you are interested.


Another strategy is to just decide to trust in the people you associate with, and experiment with different approaches. We are more fearful than bold, and we want to avoid taking risks in general. That’s normal. But if you just decide to trust your friends, and “just do it”, you force yourself to overcome your fear. Usually, once you try it, you find that it was not a big deal at all and you are surprised by how easy it was and how well it turned out. The issue is often not your friends, but your own fear.


Are you still afraid that you will become a selfish diva or jerk whom everybody hates? Being self-centered in this context and “selfish” are different things. Finally for today, let me explain that briefly.


Unless you are pathologically narcissistic or psychopathic, you most likely want for those you love and like to be happy as well, because that makes you happy, too. You don’t feel great when your they are miserable and suffering. Am I right? So, caring about your needs first actually includes your friends’ happiness as well. Therefore, being self-centered doesn’t mean that you no longer care for them. Being self-centered really means that you understand that it is simply part of your needs, necessary to maintain a better balance in your life. It’s not about overly sacrificing yourself for others only to regret it later. You take care of them to the degree you don’t sacrifice yourself unnecessarily. Does this make sense?


The irony is that if you are “self-centered,” you can enjoy the company of your friends and family more and you have better relationships. If you are “others-centered,” you may be able to maintain harmony, but you will not enjoy their company and may stop hanging out with them eventually. You care for others so much, but then ironically, you won’t like being with them in the end… Isn’t it tragic?


So how are you feeling now? Do you feel like you want to try to be more self-centered now? Be more self-centered - you are the center of your own universe!